How do I attract manipulators and narcissists to my life? What might it be about me? Have you ever ask yourself a question like this? Are you in a relationship with a partner who emotionally abuses you, makes you feel guilty and forces you to do what you don’t want to? Let’s look at how the question is phrased and what is wrong about it.
“How do I… “It seems you believe that you have some superpower that removes other people’s free will and causes you to make them become attracted to you. The idea of your own exceptional ability to attract manipulators smells a bit of narcissistic fantasy of how powerful you are. You feel responsible for their actions.
In fact, you do not attract them. The thing is that you pay them attention, and they can identify that you are not able to put the boundaries around yourself. When my clients ask me a similar question, I try to explain to them how the relationship with a manipulator, narcissist, or other pathological personality arises.
A pathological personality is moving around the world, meeting other people. He is interacting with them. With some, he establishes a relationship, and with others, he won’t. Then he meets you; you are both attracted to each other, and you both have the power to either stop it or to go ahead with it. And because you are not able to identify a manipulator, you ignored your own feelings and thoughts and went ahead with it. You built a partnership with him that later will become a very toxic relationship. At the moment you realize it, it is too late. You are in a state of mind in which you are unable to defend yourself.
How did you get into such a situation? Why are you the one in a relationship with him? Please stop with the notion that you have some superpower to attract him. His attraction to you is about him, not you. He acts like a predator who seeks prey and will not let go when he finds it. Such personality in the first contact tests your boundaries. When he recognizes you do not have any, he sucks on you. So far, he has been meeting people who were able to tell him “no”, “stop it”, “enough, “or “don’t do this to me. Such people are uninteresting to him, so he simply goes until he encounters you, who is still unable to defend yourself and to recognize the parasite. Manipulative people are looking for targets that are afraid to hurt someone’s feelings or targets who have traits like obedience and are afraid to say no.
That is why he catches you and doesn’t let go. He stays where he is not prevented from staying. He uses the things you fear and your emotions to control you and to have you do something that he wants you to do. He satisfies their own needs while he doesn’t care that he harms you. He does not reflect that you are uncomfortable with his behavior and that you cannot sleep and feel exhausted.
When you realize it, you may think, “oh, it is my fault, I can blame myself, ” Yes, but once you know you are responsible for your situation and not some magical power, you also get the way to get out of it. It would help if you ask yourself the following questions:
Why do I think other people are attracted or drawn toward me?
Where does this thought or belief come from?
Why do I not consider the possibility that they are not drawn to me, but I am drawn to them?
Why do I ignore the signals that there is something wrong?
Why am I not able to set my boundaries?
Some people are predisposed to become victim of a manipulator. The causes are mostly from childhood. These people are taught to feel guilty for defending themselves. Such an individual cannot evaluate their emotions and has mostly been the victim of manipulation and emotional abusing as a child. To protect yourself is necessary for you to have a well-developed ability to recognize manipulation and warning signals. It can be trained, and I can help you with it.
So if you are in such a situation, or find yourself in such a toxic relationship, don’t hesitate to contact me.