Social defense

 

Facing a pathological person is extremely demanding. Not only you stand up to someone who seems to be much stronger than you, but even your friends start turning their back on you, as a result of agressor's manipulation. Your social isolation works in his favor, as there's no-one left to support you. Having said that, a functional social environment is indispensable for successful defense and its re-building should be among your main goals.

Basic rule

Don't try to stand up to an aggressor on your own. You're fighting a losing battle.

Exploitability = low

Your social network tends to be vulnerable only in the beginning. The aggressivity increases and so does the manipulation towards people within your social network. Don't worry, it's only temporary. After you manage to coordinate your surroundings, it stays by your side and supports you in your defense.

Time to outcome = days to weeks

Every pathological person will try to isolate you socially. You've already stopped talking to your friends and your family relations are tense. Eventually, you realise you were isolated by manipulation and you start re-building your social network, which will gradually start working in favour of your defense.

Outcome predictability = High

In case your social network includes well-informed people in good mental condition, the outcomes are predictable and stable. You have to, however, be familiar with the individual defense principles and the strategy set-up.

Costs = none

You don't pay people in your social network, they do a volunteer work for you. In case your social network is temporarily out of business, its job can either be outsourced or, if possible, automated.

Examples of results

Before

Your friends start avoiding you since the only thing you can possibly talk about is the aggressor and what he does to you. You go on and on telling them about your conflicts and they eventually get fed up with listening to you. You feel being misunderstood, rejected and start falling into despair.

After

You have a plan, you know exactly what your friends can do for you and you can express your needs. Your friends come to realize they can do something useful, as opposed to just listen to your perpetual moaning. You support each other effectively.

Before

The aggressor managed to isolate you from your parents and your family. Your mutual relationship is a mess. They're giving you ultimatums and make you choose between them and the aggressor. They become co-aggressors as they make you feel like everything is your fault.

After

In a relationship with your parents, you know how to express your needs and ask for their help. You are aware of the fact that they might be the cause of what you're going through. You haven't been able to debunk the aggressor at the very beginning since you grew up in a toxic environment and the situations you lived through seemed familiar.

Before

Chances are that your partner is not the only aggressor you're facing. You're not capable of identifying passive aggression or manipulation and repeatedly become a victim of an emotional abuse. Such people suck the energy out of you and you cannot figure out what exactly is going on.

After

You clear up your social environment. You debunk aggressors and don't let them take advantage of you. A new space for toxic-free relationships can be born.

Before

Agressor gossips. He tells your friends and family that you are insane and spreads other vicious rumours about you.

After

You neutralize aggressor's activity. You stop explaining yourself and start asking proper questions instead. These questions should make people realize how illogical his arguments are. They come to know they have been taken advantage of. You will stand united against a common enemy.

 

Examples of subjects

Examples of entities we help to involve into your defense.


Personal

Partner
Family
Friends
Acquaintances
Neighbours


Teams / organisations / corporations

Colleagues
Clients
Suppliers
Superiors / Subordinates
 

Consultation outcomes

Temporarily Filling the gap for a missing part of social defense

Before succeeding in building a reliable social network, we will temporarily fill the gap. First of all, we confirm your reality perception is correct and help you to regain confidence in your emotions.

Integration of other people into a defensive network

We support you in building a defensive network involving people around you.We'lI tell you how to deal with parents and set up boundaries. This will keep you from getting in a submissive position. You no longer let them make you feel guilty for what you're going through. Together we figure out the best way to discuss your needs with the people within your network.

Compensation of aggressor's destructive behaviour

This becomes essential once you start applying individual defense. Aggressor's original strategy – direct aggression against you – will fall through and he switches to its indirect form – abuse by proxy